Resilience

I had a bad morning. I had planned to go for a run straight after getting out of bed, and had been looking forward to it for days. Instead, as I was getting dressed, I started picking at my skin. I picked more and more, and started thinking about some things that are bothering me. I struggled to bring my focus back into the present, and to stop, but it took a long time before I was able to. Thank goodness, I remembered that this week I do not have to wear short-sleeves, because there is a holiday on the day of the sports class I usually attend. I had been thinking that I wouldn't be able to go this week because I didn't want anyone to see my arms after what I did to them today. Last week, my arms were not in great shape either, so I wore long-sleeves and it was too hot.

I finally did finish getting dressed this morning and went for my run. It is a very cold day, but it felt good to get my body moving and to be outside in the fresh air. My day started to improve the moment my sneakers hit the pavement.

It can be hard for me to recuperate after I've had a bad picking session. I'm not talking about physically - of course it takes a long time for my skin to heal from the damage I do to it. Mentally, though, too, picking takes a toll. Typically just after I've picked I feel ashamed, disappointed, and depressed. I don't want to see anyone; I just want to curl up in a little ball and disappear. But I don't want to be like that. I don't want to let picking get the better of me, to consume any more of my mental space than it already does. I just want to recognize what happened, resolve not to do it again, and move on. The sooner I get back to being my best self, the better. I think this is possible. I still believe I can have a good day. I'm going to stretch, take a shower, put on some comfortable clothes, and eat some good food. Then maybe I will try to do the even harder thing - to make myself available to my friends.