Sharing

Today one of my new friends asked me what was on my arms. I was wearing short sleeves and enjoying some tea and cake with her at a cafe. The sun was shining through the window on my arms. When my skin gets hot sometimes it gets inflamed - my spots and scars stand out more. I hesitated for a second but decided to be honest and told her that I pick at my skin. For some reason I started with, "Sometimes when I get nervous..." though, which I don't think is necessarily true for me anymore. Anyway, she asked me if I had been nervous recently and why, and I tried to explain. Because she also asked me why I had so many scars I told her that I had been doing it since I was a teenager. I tried to reassure her that actually I'm doing much better now, and don't pick as often as I used to. I told her that some people pick much more than me, to the point where it's difficult to leave the house (I've been there). She asked me how I do it, which kind of took me by surprise, but I replied that I simply squeeze at bumps I find. She said she has a friend who has bumps on the backs of her upper arms, and confessed that she sometimes picks at her face. Of course, I said, that is the most common area to pick at. I then tried to divert the conversation from picking to human grooming rituals gone out of control in general, and brought up another friend of ours who wakes up incredibly early to make sure she has time to fix her hair before going out in public. I think many of these very lengthy grooming rituals have quite a lot in common with picking but are considered socially acceptable so we don't really see them as problems.

This friend of mine is the first person who I've shared that I pick with here. I don't particularly like talking about it, but I think it's probably a good thing for my close friends to know, and it was nice that she cared enough to ask. It also reminded me, though, that my scars are still very much present and noticeable. Realistically, they probably always will be. However, I don't feel like covering up my skin all the time to avoid these kinds of conversations. My friend values tact, so she probably had wondered about my skin for awhile but waited until we knew each other better to ask me about it. I was glad I could be honest with her, but at the same time, I hope I don't have to explain it to anyone else again soon!