Confidence

Tonight is the full moon. I have my last exam tomorrow and am moving at the end of the week. It is a time for conclusions. My life has changed a lot over the past few months. It is always strange to feel like you aren't the same person you once were - these days I feel as though I am in a constant state of transformation, but maybe that is just the nature of life. Some things happen to you, and some things you make happen. As I accept that certain changes are inevitable, I feel more confident and also like it is time to move on from past patterns that have had a negative effect on me. Picking is something that has had a grip on me for years, despite knowing that it's bad for me and wanting to stop. I want to make one final push and give it up for good, and I believe that I can. I don't know what makes this time different compared to any other time, only that I feel more confident these days. Surely some of this has come about as a result of positive interactions I've had with new people. The way people have been responding to me has made me feel better about myself. Yes, I see, I'm capable of making other people laugh and smile. Yes, it is ok for me to expect more from the people I share my life with. If I can expect more from others, why not from myself? Why not invest my time and energy in something that is important to me? I want to be able to share myself more completely with the people I love; I want to be able to be more open. I can, I will, and I must move on from this.

Hectic Times

My exams are almost over, thank goodness, but the past few weeks have been extremely stressful. My main sources of stress have been the exams themselves, a close friend's problems, some relationship issues, and the fact that I'm moving at the end of the month. I have had one or two bad picking sessions, one time my face and one time my whole body, and have been scratching excessively at my scalp. My sleep schedule is all out of whack - for the past week I haven't been able to fall asleep until early in the morning for some reason. I'm sure all this craziness will calm down soon, and in the meantime I'll try to do as little damage as possible. Whew.