Sleep & the Company We Keep

I was doing so well and feeling so positive, but just fell off the wagon. Only slept 3 hours last night and today a friend of mine visited me for a long time and kind of stressed me out. She's an extremely kind person but thinks very differently from me. Whereas I do best when I go with the flow and rely on my intuition, she likes to have everything organized and to logically analyze most of her experiences. She asks me a lot of questions I've never thought about the answers to. I'm really worn out and should've just gone to sleep after she went home. Instead as I was sitting on my bed about to put on my pajamas I started picking, and got to my arms, legs, and chest. I'm disappointed with myself, and frustrated I'll have to go through another long healing process, but what's done is done, and tomorrow is another day.

The First 28 Days

I completed my 28-day-vow not to pick at my skin. Though I wasn't able to keep the vow perfectly, and stop picking entirely, I'm grateful I managed to get through the month without any very damaging picking sessions. Actually, I only picked a few times.

My skin looks pretty good. I can wear short-sleeves and shorts without shame now. I wish I didn't have the scars I have, or the bumps I have, but I can live with them.

I won't take another vow unless I find it's necessary. I hope I can keep in my current frame of mind - I feel more positive than I have in a long time and am not suffering from as much doubt or anxiety about my future.

I think some of the reasons I've been able to make progress in stopping picking are: 1. I wasn't happy with where my life was and knew I needed to make some changes, 2. I'm on vacation, so I'm not as stressed as usual, 3. With regards to my relationships, I've been trying to focus on what I have and am grateful for rather than on what I'm missing, and 4. I've been exercising more, which has improved the way I feel about my body.

Timing was definitely important. I've been wanting to stop picking for a long time, and I've known that it's bad for me, but somehow the many factors that could make stopping possible just hadn't come together for me. Today I will try to enjoy a small feeling of accomplishment and allow myself to hope that my picking will continue to diminish over time.

Halfway Through

I'm halfway through the 28 days and am feeling pretty good. I've been wearing short sleeves or sleeveless shirts and shorts almost every day. I feel much lighter and more at ease in my body. I'm still scared I'll fall back into old habits, but I'm almost starting to believe I could have a picking-free life from now on. I haven't been absolutely perfect. There was one day when I got at a few bumps on my arms and my legs, but I didn't let this get me down. I've also squeezed or scratched at a few bumps on my scalp, and scraped at some dry skin around my fingernails, but this has been in a more absent-minded way than in an obsessive way. I want to keep going with this and to keep improving. I feel like if I can overcome picking maybe other parts of my life will get better too. I hope this is my time, and that I can really do it. I know it's going to take a lot of hard work to get through the second half of the vow, but I will give it my best shot. My closest friends keep telling me that I'm I strong person - I would like to believe this about myself and to prove them right, to myself.