Over It

I seem to be over picking. I just don't think about it so much. I don't feel like it, frankly. It's rare that I find myself doing it, and when I do, I'm typically extremely sleep-deprived. The rest of the time, I have plenty of other ways to keep myself distracted and to relax. I listen to music, dance, swim, write. I talk to friends and family.

I don't have a problem with how my skin looks. Yes, I have some scabs and plenty of scars. Right now, since it's cold, though, most of my skin is covered anyway, so it doesn't matter. I know that my skin will heal. It's working, it's doing its job. It's protecting me. It looks okay.

I'm really grateful to be in this place. It has been a very long and difficult journey to get here. So much has changed for me, and I'm not sure exactly what part of what's changed has affected this, my skin picking, but something did.

This may be my last post for awhile. I certainly hope so. I really hope that anyone who comes across this page and needs help, or some motivation, to try to stop picking too, believes that they can do it, as I did. Forget all those idiots who say that once you're a picker, you're always be a picker. That's nonsense. I am overcoming it; you can do it too. It may require your whole life to change, as mine did, but you can do it! No matter how many times you fail, persist.

Healing

A few weeks ago I met someone who later told me that I look sad. He said I should just forget everything, have fun, and enjoy life. I think he's right. I just got back from my two-week winter vacation. It was a great experience. I picked at my skin once. In general I would say that these days I pick much less. I know how destructive it is; I know that afterwards I will regret it. After I pick I have no choice but to cover my skin for a few days. I don't want to have to hide anymore. I want to be free. When I do start picking, I just try to stop, deal with the consequences, and not obsess about it too much. I understand that every time I pick I will have red marks and scabs for about a week. I have scabs right now, on my forearms. It is annoying. But there is nothing I can do about it other than wait. I am healthier than I have been in awhile. I have had trouble sleeping and getting through days without naps for months but that phase seems to have passed. My biggest challenge right now is to stay on top of everything - to get all my work done and to stay focused. I want to feel more in control of my life. I think I can do it.