Healing

A few weeks ago I met someone who later told me that I look sad. He said I should just forget everything, have fun, and enjoy life. I think he's right. I just got back from my two-week winter vacation. It was a great experience. I picked at my skin once. In general I would say that these days I pick much less. I know how destructive it is; I know that afterwards I will regret it. After I pick I have no choice but to cover my skin for a few days. I don't want to have to hide anymore. I want to be free. When I do start picking, I just try to stop, deal with the consequences, and not obsess about it too much. I understand that every time I pick I will have red marks and scabs for about a week. I have scabs right now, on my forearms. It is annoying. But there is nothing I can do about it other than wait. I am healthier than I have been in awhile. I have had trouble sleeping and getting through days without naps for months but that phase seems to have passed. My biggest challenge right now is to stay on top of everything - to get all my work done and to stay focused. I want to feel more in control of my life. I think I can do it.