Being Kind to Yourself

Self-improvement never ends but it's best not to be too aggressive about it. It can become an obsession and a source of beating up on yourself just like anything else. I pick my skin less, now, but I still do pick, sometimes. I'd like not to, but I'd like not to in a way that's kind to me. Honestly, what I believe has helped me the most with picking less over the years is just that - trying to be kinder to myself. I never understood what it meant to love yourself before. It sounded stupid. I don't like it when people talk about what they "deserve," for instance. However, I think there are things that we do that make us feel good, and things we do that don't, and I'd rather feel good, if I have the choice. Recently I've been paying more attention to my feelings and giving myself permission to make decisions that protect my well-being. I've realized I am actually extremely sensitive to external stimuli, including people. It has been tough for me to let myself remove myself from situations and people that and who don't have a positive influence on me. I have it ingrained in me - be tough, life is struggle, sacrifice your own needs and feelings for the sake of other's. If you can't deal with a situation or a particular person - it's your fault. Figure it out. I've realized though that me approaching things in this way has had little benefit. I'm just not that kind of warrior. My battles are not outside; they are within. I've made a good deal of progress in the past several years in becoming more patient and calm. However, I'm still a LONG way from being able to stay or insert myself in an adverse situation and to be unaffected. And you know what? That's okay. I am who I am, and I can strive to be better and to do better, but today, this is where I'm at. Today, I am a person who, after a stressful day, with lots on her mind, sometimes ends up picking at the blackheads on her forehead and her nose and chin. Sometimes I even end up picking at bumps on my arms or my legs, though that is increasingly rare. It's okay. Doing these things does not make me a bad person, and though I may not have the self-control I wish I had with regards to this, I have self-control in other areas. Perhaps my self-control is being exhausted on other things! Perhaps what I really need is just to relax, to do things I enjoy. I am always learning. My skin may be deteriorating, my body may be getting old, but I'm learning.