Again.

And... again. When can you stop being mindful? Never. Is it true that we only have enough self-control, enough willpower, to tackle one thing at a time? Maybe. I have lots of personal goals - to speak softly and kindly, to move gracefully, to keep my home peaceful and organized, to get enough sleep at consistent times, to stay on top of my work, to eat healthy, well-balanced meals...the list goes on and on. But there is one thing that must be at the top of this list, that must always be at the top - and that is not to pick. I forgot how important this is. I was suddenly living on my own again, away from family and close friends, trying to adapt to working full-time again, at a demanding job with interpersonal conflict. Coming home, worn out body and mind, no energy to cook, no energy to exercise, but yes, enough energy to pick. To look in the mirror and pick my face - so many imperfections! And why not my arms? And of course my chest? My legs, eh, when I was feeling really ambitious. I hate picking, and yet there is nothing like it to dissociate mind and body... The mind wanders, wanders, working over issues that need to be resolved, turning them around, looking at them from all sides. And then I find it's summer and I must wear long sleeves. However, compared to several years ago, things are better. Number one, I am not as self-conscious about the way my skin looks, scars and all. Hell, it's my skin. Two, I know picking is stupid - it takes away my precious free time, leaves me achy and tired, and injures my skin - so every now and then, before I've gotten too into it, I can tear myself away, and snap out of it! Three, I can forgive myself. Whatever happened happened - yes, I'll try not to do it again, but no, I will not beat myself up for what's past, because there's no point. So the purpose of this post is to reaffirm my commitment to not picking AT ALL. I made a promise to a friend. My friend has no idea what kind of effort it will take to keep that promise, how vigilant I will need to be, but that's ok. I will do it, I can do it, I have to do it. No. more. picking. There's some new websites out on picking since I started this blog, and I was scanning one the other day that said within about a year the impulse to pick can be removed. A year is a long time. I'll start with a month.