The Appeal of Dissociation

As I've written before, I think picking is a symptom of other underlying problems. Or perhaps more accurately, a coping mechanism (however poor) for dealing with other problems. When I've been picking for awhile, my mind dissociates from my body, and I find this quite freeing. What is it that I want to escape from? Something I heard yesterday gave me a new take on it. Maybe it's not that I don't feel good enough, or strong enough - maybe I just don't like where I'm at - maybe I would rather not be here. Sometimes this world is a hard, harsh place. Sometimes it's painful, sometimes it's boring, sometimes I just don't feel like it's for me. Sometimes I would rather be in my thoughts, or even somewhere beyond thoughts - in that kind of empty, in-between space where it feels like there's no division and no separation. I love that place. I wonder - could I free my mind without harming my body? Could I bring my mind and body into balance, into some kind of harmony? What would happen if, when I felt uncomfortable, out-of-place, awkward, unwelcome, insecure, and so on - if rather than trying to escape - I tried sticking around? What if I let myself feel the discomfort? What if I just focused on the physical sensation, if I let it be what it was and didn't tell myself a story about it to build it up or minimize it or turn it into something else? I think if I could master this courage combined with mindfulness, that I would feel more comfortable in my body and more in control of my life. I think it would take away whatever power my negative emotions have over me. Surely this wouldn't happen overnight, but slowly, slowly - it's worth a try. An update on the first month of no picking - it's only been a few days, and it's certainly not easy, but I'm hanging in there. I'm determined.