What Is vs. What Could Be

Have you ever had a horrible moment of realization when you see how you actually look, as a result of picking? A lot of times I see past the scabs and bumps and scars. Call it selective vision, if you will. But then sometimes, I let myself see, or I just can't avoid it. I took a photo of myself smiling, and I looked at it and saw the scabs on my forehead. I look down at my forearms, near my wrists, where my sleeves don't quite reach, and I see the dozens of tiny round scars - in various stages of healing - red and purple and lighter than skin tone. It can be pretty overwhelming and sometimes quite hopeless. However, I am a fighter, and I can also see how I could look, if I managed to stop. I can imagine my skin healing. I can imagine an end to the pain that I've learned to ignore for the most part but that every now and then I feel. This is what I want. To be healthy and free and more fully myself. I feel like I'm at a fraction of my potential and I'm so tired of being stuck there.