Sunday, June 3, 2012

Cold Turkey vs. Slow and Steady

Well, yesterday I killed my arms. I was sitting on the couch listening to a book on cd and...I got bored. Very, very bored. So I picked whatever bumps on my arms I didn't get to on Friday. It was warm, and I went into a sort of trance. When I looked out the window, I couldn't see clearly from having focused on something so close for so long; I shook my head, blinking. Today, I have little red marks on my arms. It's not like I've never been here before, so I can handle it. It's not that hot today, and if I need to go out, I have lots of long-sleeved shirts. But I am starting to wonder how much progress I can make with this slow and steady approach. I may need to try to go cold turkey - no picking, anywhere, never. Cold turkey is very hard, and when you mess up, no matter how small the transgression, you feel like it's a huge failure, because you broke your "being perfect" streak. However, since I only have three months to get this addiction under control, I may need to try that. Another thing I may have to do is to face my fears head on, rather than avoiding them. This means that rather than just trying to avoid picking by removing the opportunities to do so, I will try to put myself in high-risk picking situations. For instance, rather than not turning on the light in the bathroom, keeping a safe distance from mirrors, not working at the computer or reading books, keeping busy, and trying to be around people, I will look at and feel the bumps and dry skin on my head, face, arms, chest, stomach, and legs. I will ask myself why I want to pick at these, explain to myself why I shouldn't, fight the temptation, and do this continuously until I can look at my bumps and dry skin and feel nothing.

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